Compersion (When Strangers Touch Your Lives)

An online life is an odd thing but, for me it has been very positive. It has enhanced my own life, especially during the darkest days, in a way that I simply couldn't explain to someone who had not experienced it.

Strangers touch your lives and do it in a very profound way. Bonding takes place through shared interests, perhaps culinary, musical or sexual, and it is possible to grow very close. This is rare for me; I seldom let down my guard and can be a very distant man, seeming not to trust people but this is me and I am thankful when people accept me for who I am.

I have described myself as someone who, for deeply set reasons, does not feel love. This is not strictly true but, on the whole I maintain an emotional distance born of childhood self-preservation; something that is not easy to overcome.

Having  a degree of feelings for someone who is not going to share your life is never going to be easy but I have found that it can actually be a pleasure in itself, and something to quietly celebrate. Online friends almost inevitably disappear as their circumstances change but that fragment of love can linger. A song or a mouthful of food is going to raise a smile for the rest of my life and I think that is a lovely thing.

I was reading an article about polyamorous life recently and came across the word compersion. Here is the quote:

"Compersion ...is the little warm glow that you get when you see somebody you really care about loving somebody else and being loved."

I do get that little warm glow.
Its a lovely feeling.

I smile.

Naked In the Garden

The warmer weather has coincided with a few days with lazy starts; the sort of day when its good to go to make some coffee and toast and carry them back to bed. I did this most mornings during a recent holiday and took advantage of a very secluded garden to slip out of my bathrobe and walk out into the fresh air while the coffee brewed.

The sensation is one of freedom; a sensual moment. One morning, I walked out into fine raindrops and I enjoyed them on my skin while my feet could feel the wet grass. On the last morning, it was sunny and I picked up my camera as I stepped into the garden. Seeing myself reflected in the French doors, I captured a memento:

Back here at home, I cannot roam as freely but there is a strip of  garden outside the kitchen door where I can walk unobserved so I slip out of my bathrobe, hang it over the arm of a garden chair, open my arms and embrace the day.

An Interlude

Life has its ups and downs and it can be all to easy to ignore the small pleasure that are there to delight us and lift us when we need it.

I have neglected this blog and now, with summer finally behaving like summer should, I have returned to write some more posts.